648 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
648 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file,
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compiled largely from postings to public newsgroups and mailing lists,
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and the GNU project email archives.
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From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>
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Subject: Some gnu jokes
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To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA
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cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA
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Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>
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Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing
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a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym).
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This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example:
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Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes?
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A: A gnudist.
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Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker?
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A: Gnubile.
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Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy?
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A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.)
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Q: What do you call a computer filled with air?
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A: Gnumatic.
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Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you
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with foolish questions?
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A: A gnuisance.
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Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language?
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A: A gnuanCe.
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Q: What do you use a supercomputer for?
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A: Gnumerical analysis.
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Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins?
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A: A gnumismatist.
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Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think
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I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me.
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Don
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From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti)
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Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu>
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Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system)
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Subject: The True Path (long)
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Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT
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Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl
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Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack
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Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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Lines: 95
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Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935
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When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi
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*and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like,
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'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor
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that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time.
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Ed, man! !man ed
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ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1)
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NAME
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ed - text editor
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SYNOPSIS
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ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ]
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DESCRIPTION
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Ed is the standard text editor.
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---
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Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first
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alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed
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because it's ED!
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"Ed is the standard text editor."
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And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look:
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-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed
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-rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi
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-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs
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Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed.
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Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog
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message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K;
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and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!!
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"Ed is the standard text editor."
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Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed:
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golem> ed
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?
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help
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?
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?
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?
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quit
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?
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exit
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?
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bye
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?
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hello?
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?
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eat flaming death
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?
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^C
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?
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^C
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?
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^D
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?
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---
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Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is
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generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm
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the novice with verbosity.
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"Ed is the standard text editor."
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Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all.
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ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED
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AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS
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BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN
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SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!!
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When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless
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help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!!
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Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED!
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ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!!
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TEXT EDITOR.
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When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their
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"edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely
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you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard.
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Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you
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are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should
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not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE
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SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE
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FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!!
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?
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From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp>
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Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU
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EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big!
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Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
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From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie
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Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT
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Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU
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EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine
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suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have
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any additions?
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--------
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Eight
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Megabytes
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And
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Constantly
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Swapping
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Even a
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Master of
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Arts
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Comes
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Simpler
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Emacs
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Manuals
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Are
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Cryptic and
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Surreal
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Energetic
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Merchants
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Always
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Cultivate
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Sales
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Each
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Manual's
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Audience is
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Completely
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Stupefied
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Emacs
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Means
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A
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Crappy
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Screen
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Eventually
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Munches
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All
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Computer
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Storage
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Even
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My
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Aunt
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Crashes the
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System
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Eradication of
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Memory
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Accomplished with
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Complete
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Simplicity
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Elsewhere
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Maybe
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Alternative
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Civilizations
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Survive
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Egregious
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Managers
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Actively
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Court
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Stallman
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Esoteric
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Malleability
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Always
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Considered
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Silly
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Emacs
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Manuals
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Always
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Cause
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Senility
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Easily
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Maintained with the
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Assistance of
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Chemical
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Solutions
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EMACS
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MACRO
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ACTED
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CREDO
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SODOM
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Edwardian
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Manifestation of
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All
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Colonial
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Sins
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Generally
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Not
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Used
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Except by
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Middle
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Aged
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Computer
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Scientists
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Extended
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Macros
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Are
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Considered
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Superfluous
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Every
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Mode
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Accelerates
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Creation of
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Software
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Elsewhere
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Maybe
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All
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Commands are
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Simple
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Emacs
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May
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Allow
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Customized
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Screwups
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Excellent
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Manuals
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Are
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Clearly
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Suppressed
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Emetic
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Macros
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Assault
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Core and
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Segmentation
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Embarrassed
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Manual-Writer
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Accused of
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Communist
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Subversion
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Extensibility and
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Modifiability
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Aggravate
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Confirmed
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Simpletons
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Emacs
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May
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Annihilate
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Command
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Structures
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Easily
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Mangles,
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Aborts,
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Crashes and
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Stupefies
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Extraneous
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Macros
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And
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Commands
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Stink
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Exceptionally
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Mediocre
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Algorithm for
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Computer
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Scientists
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EMACS
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Makes no
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Allowances
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Considering its
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Stiff price
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Equine
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Mammals
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Are
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Considerably
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Smaller
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Embarrassingly
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Mundane
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Advertising
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Cuts
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Sales
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Every
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Moron
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Assumes
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CCA is
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Superior
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Exceptionally
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Mediocre
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Autocratic
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Control
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System
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EMACS
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May
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Alienate
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Clients and
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Supporters
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Excavating
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Mayan
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Architecture
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Comes
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Simpler
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Erasing
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Minds
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Allows
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Complete
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Submission
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Every
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Male
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Adolescent
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Craves
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Sex
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Elephantine
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Memory
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Absolutely
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Considered
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Sine que non
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Emacs
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Makers
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Are
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Crazy
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Sickos
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Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo-
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Macros
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Are
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Completely
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Slow
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Experience the
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Mildest
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Ad
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Campaign ever
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Seen
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Emacs
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Makefiles
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Annihilate
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C-
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Shells
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Eradication of
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Memory
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Accomplished with
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Complete
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Simplicity
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Emetic
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Macros
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Assault
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Core and
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Segmentation
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Epileptic
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MLisp
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Aggravates
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Compiler
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Seizures
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Eleven thousand
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Monkeys
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Asynchronously
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Crank out these
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Slogans
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-------
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From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery)
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Newsgroups: net.emacs
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Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT
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Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
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Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant:
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Evenings,
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Mornings,
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And a
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Couple of
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Saturdays
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(In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my
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implementation).
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--
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Warren Montgomery
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ihnss!warren
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IH ((312)-979) x2494
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Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt
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From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>
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Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA
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Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt
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Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt
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Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp>
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Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower
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Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA
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Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA
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Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739
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/* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */
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/* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */
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Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the
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correct acronym is:
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Emacs
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Makes
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All
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Computing
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Simple
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Thank you, and Good Night
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/* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */
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From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705)
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Newsgroups: net.emacs
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Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT
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Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
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Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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> > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ?
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> GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.
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> More recursive acronyms, anyone?
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Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has
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character is THief Isn't Even Fine.
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--
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## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs
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Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2
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From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi)
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Newsgroups: net.emacs
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Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT
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Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort
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Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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> GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.
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>
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> More recursive acronyms, anyone?
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>
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For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs.....
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--
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...............
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tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va
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{decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2
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box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906
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(804) 978-5566
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...............
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Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt
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From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>
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Subject: more names
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To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA
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Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt
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Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt
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|
Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp>
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Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower
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|
Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA
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Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA
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Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739
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/* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */
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SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs
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(MIT Architecture Machine Group)
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EINE: Eine is Not Emacs
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(MIT Lisp Machine)
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ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially
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("rev2" of EINE)
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|
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--
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|
Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs
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|
Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave.
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617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140
|
|
/* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */
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|
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Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb
|
|
From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett)
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|
Newsgroups: net.emacs
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|
Subject: Here we go again ...
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Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT
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Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
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Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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|
|
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> EINE: Eine is Not Emacs
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> (MIT Lisp Machine)
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>
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> ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially
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> ("rev2" of EINE)
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DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside
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(Exists only in my head)
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|
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From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman)
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|
Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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|
To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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|
Subject: etc/emacs.names
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|
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt
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|
The following should be added:
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|
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Emacs
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Makes
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A
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Computer
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Slow
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From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz)
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Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs
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Subject: Re: what emacs stands for
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Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT
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Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell
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Ever Made A Control-key Setup?
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Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story
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Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed
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(by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key)
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Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen
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(deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful)
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Each Mail A Continued Surprise
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Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes
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(keystrokes, of course :-)
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Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking
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Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully
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now enough bashing for today :-)
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From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names
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Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt
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Elvis
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Masterminds
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All
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Computer
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Software
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Just so you boys know the score.
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Thank you very Much,
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The King
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